The happiest cafe in the world

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a person in possession of a hangover must be in want of a fry up. In a city about to choke on its insatiable consumption of minced/crushed/run-over avocado, a proper greasy spoon is becoming a rare find.

Everyone has their favourite fry-up spot, and the Kennington Lane Cafe (or KLC) is certainly mine. It was one of the first spots I ever tried as a Londoner, and am yet to find its equal. While it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi in terms of kerb appeal, it is part of a dying breed of London establishments resisting gentrification and is all the better for it.

Since the arrival of the gargantuanly grotesque American embassy buildings in Vauxhall (compensating for something, Donald?), the area has undergone rapid ‘improvements,’ which seem to rip the life from previously adored institutions - the nearby Vauxhall Griffin is a prime example. The area, once known for its vibrant and progressive pubs and clubs is now becoming sadly sanitised, but I digress.

Evidence of the last vestiges of Vauxhall’s raucous nightlife can often be seen as you walk in to the cafe and squeeze in next to a table of exhausted looking clubbers. They desperately clutch coffee between hands covered in stamps documenting last night’s whereabouts far better than their own memories.

The tiny space is always busy, and filled with a diverse crowd. There are builders, the aforementioned hungover clubbers, families, tourists and regulars jostling for space at the canteen-style formica tables.

The KLC is about two things: the food and the chat. The menu is encyclopaedic - besides the myriad breakfast options, there is everything from halloumi wraps to home-made pie. Tea is served brick red in thick mugs, and toast comes slathered in proper butter.

The one thing this place doesn’t offer, however, is peace and quiet. The chatter is all-consuming, with orders shouted across the diners to the bustling kitchen and the endlessly ebullient owner gabbing away to customers as if he’s known them forever. It is a truly happy place to be.

In fact, the owner is what makes this place quite so special. The first time I walked in, I assumed he had mistaken me for someone else, such was the friendliness of his greeting. He sat down with me for a while to chat about his Cypriot homeland and the surprisingly complex political status of halloumi. It was brilliant. I left feeling buoyed up by both hash browns and good conversation.

If, for whatever reason, you aren’t dining alone by choice, I can think of nowhere happier to be than the KLC.

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Food: 3 - Enormous portions of almost anything you can think of, most of which is home-made.

Layout: 2 - It is small and almost always full. Larger diners may find themselves having to breathe in a bit to pick their way through the crowds.

Awkwardness: 3 - The cheerfulness is contagious - I’ve never seen so many strangers chatting to each other in London.

Service: 3 - The owner is arguably the world’s smiliest man.You will end up chatting to him and possibly invited to his daughter’s cousin’s wedding.

Convenience: 2 - The toilets are downstairs meaning you’d have to leave your stuff unattended in a cafe with people constantly coming and going. Someone would probably watch over it for you, it’s that kind of place.

Overall: 13/15

Book: Bitter Lemons by Lawrence Durrell so you can understand what the lovely owner left behind in Cyprus.

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Kennington Lane Cafe

383 Kennington Lane

Vauxhall

London

£ - brilliant value all day